Will I ever sleep again?

Dear Mom's/ Parents

I want to tell you that yes you will sleep again but never the same. For those of you who don't have kids yet cherish your sleep. 

Here is my breakdown of a typical Life Sleep Cycle: 

1. Amazing sleep before children.  Slept so hard I was scared I would hear my baby crying. 
2. First you have the pregnancy with the aches and pains and getting up to use the bathroom. 
3. Then the baby comes and they need to nurse (all the time).
4. You then get them sleep trained and they have growing pains, nightmares etc. 
5. They eventually become more self reliant and then the adolescent/teenage years hit and you are awake all night worrying about them. 
6. Then if you are lucky you get a couple good years of sleep and they start having babies and you help babysit.

Pregnancy tips to a better nights sleep

• Warm relaxing bath with a foot massage from hubby
• Hydrate well during day and try to keep liquids to a minimum before bed. With that said some women with morning sickness do better if they stay hydrated and snack regularly throughout the night. 
• Keep a journal of thoughts and worries so you can rest easier and deal with them tomorrow.
• Rest and nap as often as you can with your feet up. 
• Exercise and do yoga to relieve tension and pressure.
• Eat healthy lots of B vitamins and proteins
• Pregnancy body pillow to support back and belly- also works great as a nursing pillow after. 
• Massage either from professional or hubby. 

Tips for mothers with infants

• Nursing at night- this is the main cause of waking with little ones and many mom's end up with the child in bed because getting up all the time is very exhausting and cold. If you are not comfortable with them in bed I suggest putting their crib next to your bed so you can easily reach them and place them back in when done or a side crib making it even easier or the "swaddle me by your side sleeper" Their have been many studies that show the benefits of babies and mothers being in close proximity at minimum the first 3 months of their life. 
• Check out "happiest baby on the block" for better understanding and swaddling tips. 
• If you have other young children try to have them sleep trained before baby arrives so the baby is your only cause of waking's. All sleeping arrangements have been thought out. 
• Enlist your husband to get up and get baby for your night feedings and put back in crib or handle bottle feedings. 
• Take naps when baby naps. 
• Ask for help. Let  others come over and clean, cook anything so you can just enjoy your little one and relax when you can. 
• Use things like the owlette or other baby monitors so you can rest easier when their is a chance

Tips for toddlers

• Have a set age appropriate schedule that is consistent and predictable. 
• If you have a toddler that refuses to stay in bed and you have tried absolutely everything bring their bed into your room so they are next to you. At least they will sleep in their bed and you will get your space. 
• If you have a toddler who is afraid of the dark create a monster spray that they get to spray in their room before bed (water, essential oils etc. ) Put nightlights or glow in the dark stars. Put a flashlight by their bed or a lantern they can use to check things out or go to the bathroom with. Make sure to decorate all things that look scary such as a door less closet etc.  
• If they are out of the nap stage and you are super tired call a friend to have a play date so you can have a little break or family or friends to watch them for an hour. Sometimes not having to be the one to entertain can be a huge relief. 
• Encourage your children to take care of themselves. put cereal and safe snack at a low level so if they wake up early they can grab some food and give you a little extra time to wake up. 

I know I didn't cover siblings much but I am putting together a blog on how to approach the whole sleep training multiples, and how to handle siblings, so keep an eye out for it.  

As far as teenagers go try to get them on a routine of checking in and communicating so you can rest easier and know they will call if needed.  Here is a link to a book someone suggested for when mine get older.  

The underlying message for any age is try to let go of the things you can, ask for help often and think outside the box. It is ok if your child is sleeping in a sleeping bag on the floor in your room as long as you both are sleeping. 

How to deal with family & Friend pressures?

I personally have had my fair share of pressure/judgment. It seems like more and more that kids get to stay up way past their natural sleep cycle and miss out on naps so family can spend time with them or so mom's don't miss out on fun. You all know what I am talking about. 

• Family is visiting and 6:30 rolls around and everyone thinks you are crazy for having to put the kids to bed, they all say "it is way to early the sun is still out". As a mom you don't want to leave the party and go inside. 
• You are on vacation and everyone wants to go to dinner late and get upset that the kids need to eat earlier, or they want to go to a nice restaurant and you either have to stay because of the kids or find a sitter that you don't know. 
• Dad gets home from work late and wants the kids up to hang out with them. Normally rousing them up and making it harder for them to settle. 
• Mother-in-law is telling you how she raised her kids and judges you for not doing the same thing. "keep them up later they will just sleep in" "I just put them to bed and they went to sleep". 
• A friend tells you to just let them "cry-it-out" it only lasts 2-3 days then they sleep through the night, Forever right!
• Big family trip planed and to many activities on the list to fit in nap time, so you end up missing out or have a very overtired emotional basket case.
• Your child should be: potty trained, vaccinated, discipline (spank or not), walking by now …

Everyone thinks they are an expert and especially the ones that were blessed with those super chill babies that just sleep like champs from day one, develop super early or are basically perfect. These parents feel that they were gifted and did something special when in actuality they just lucked out. In my experience most of these people have either never had kids, have overly tired and unruly children or are to old to really remember the situation. 

Truth

This may sound completely brutal and harsh but it is the truth and I feel obligated to share. Being a parent is hard I mean really hard. No one ever really knows what they are in for and for those of us without easy babies, lots of money who can pay for nannies and babysitters it can feel almost impossible at times. 

Things that change

1. Your body has completely changed inside and out, especially hormonally. All these fears you didn't have arise and tears that come out of no where, anxiety about whether you know what you are doing and more. 
2. You will miss out on a lot of fun stuff and feel lonely and lost at times. 
3. You never realized how good a drink sounds until you can't have one. Pumping and dumping is not 100%. 
4. Your sleep will be forever affected. Even if your child is sleeping great you are always waking to check on them, go to the bathroom, worry about them, taking care of husbands needs of feeling un-loved, dog needs to go out in the middle of the night, their is a thunderstorm, kids are sick etc.. 
5. Some but not all parents leave a job both sides are hard. You leave the job to stay home full time which is a lot more work than you realize or you keep the job and miss some of the special moments and bonding time with your child always wondering if you are doing the right thing by working. 
6. For at least 2-3 years all your fun hobbies disappear because a baby needs you more. I loved to garden and even that children have a very short attention span so they might hang for a minute but then they get hungry, need a nap, need a change, it is to hot or sunny etc. 
7. Cleaning and cooking take on a whole new level. When you used to skip meals now you can't, toys to pick up, puck to clean up, learning to make baby food (baby led weaning) etc. 

"The SH!T No one tells you" by Dawn Dais

A guide to surviving your babies first Year

You never realize how much of your life is really going to change. I know that when I wanted kids I was convinced that I would be able to take my baby everywhere and nothing would change. I planed to breastfeed and all I needed was a good pack and diapers right? WRONG! My child was extremely sensitive to everything so much so he got diagnosed with SPD (sensory processing disorder). We could not go anywhere or do anything and even if I had the money for a babysitter he was not able to be left with one. He also did not sleep for almost the first whole year of his life, that ment neither did I. 

The good news is all babies grow up! You will get your life back and be able to go out again and find yourself again. I have never met a teenager that still breastfeeds, wants to be held all the time or sleeps in bed with you.

 Life will always be different but in a good way and most parents say "if they had the choice they would do it all over again". For now it is your job to give your self and your little ones the rest and support they need. 

Ask for help

• Dad's believe it or not you can help with night waking's and even feedings. If you are breastfeeding and not co-sleeping dad can get up and get baby and then put them back down. If you are bottle feeding they can fully take over. 
• Have a family or friend cook a couple meals for you or come clean your house
• Have family/friend help watch your child so you can take a nap. 
• If you are not sure about what an age appropriate schedule is or any other baby related topic google it or ask someone who does know. 
• Talk to your Pediatrician they have a lot of experience, resources and tools for support

The purpose for this post is to emphasize that schedules and routines are crucial for you and your child. Take all those judgments and comments and shrug them off. Like my husband always says "no ones life is as easy or as perfect as they might try to make you think". No one knows all the answers and only you can decide what is right for your family. Everyone will have their own way and that is the way it should be. No two people are alike and can be dealt with the same. 

You are a great parent. You deserve to be heard and respected for your choices and you are doing the best you know how.