I personally have had my fair share of pressure/judgment. It seems like more and more that kids get to stay up way past their natural sleep cycle and miss out on naps so family can spend time with them or so mom's don't miss out on fun. You all know what I am talking about.
- Family is visiting and 6:30 rolls around and everyone thinks you are crazy for having to put the kids to bed, they all say "it is way to early the sun is still out". As a mom you don't want to leave the party and go inside.
- You are on vacation and everyone wants to go to dinner late and get upset that the kids need to eat earlier, or they want to go to a nice restaurant and you either have to stay because of the kids or find a sitter that you don't know.
- Dad gets home from work late and wants the kids up to hang out with them. Normally rousing them up and making it harder for them to settle.
- Mother-in-law is telling you how she raised her kids and judges you for not doing the same thing. "keep them up later they will just sleep in" "I just put them to bed and they went to sleep".
- A friend tells you to just let them "cry-it-out" it only lasts 2-3 days then they sleep through the night, Forever right!
- Big family trip planed and to many activities on the list to fit in nap time, so you end up missing out or have a very overtired emotional basket case.
- Your child should be: potty trained, vaccinated, discipline (spank or not), walking by now …
Everyone thinks they are an expert and especially the ones that were blessed with those super chill babies that just sleep like champs from day one, develop super early or are basically perfect. These parents feel that they were gifted and did something special when in actuality they just lucked out. In my experience most of these people have either never had kids, have overly tired and unruly children or are to old to really remember the situation.
Truth
This may sound completely brutal and harsh but it is the truth and I feel obligated to share. Being a parent is hard I mean really hard. No one ever really knows what they are in for and for those of us without easy babies, lots of money who can pay for nannies and babysitters it can feel almost impossible at times.
Things that change
- Your body has completely changed inside and out, especially hormonally. All these fears you didn't have arise and tears that come out of no where, anxiety about whether you know what you are doing and more.
- You will miss out on a lot of fun stuff and feel lonely and lost at times.
- You never realized how good a drink sounds until you can't have one. Pumping and dumping is not 100%.
- Your sleep will be forever affected. Even if your child is sleeping great you are always waking to check on them, go to the bathroom, worry about them, taking care of husbands needs of feeling un-loved, dog needs to go out in the middle of the night, their is a thunderstorm, kids are sick etc..
- Some but not all parents leave a job both sides are hard. You leave the job to stay home full time which is a lot more work than you realize or you keep the job and miss some of the special moments and bonding time with your child always wondering if you are doing the right thing by working.
- For at least 2-3 years all your fun hobbies disappear because a baby needs you more. I loved to garden and even that children have a very short attention span so they might hang for a minute but then they get hungry, need a nap, need a change, it is to hot or sunny etc.
- Cleaning and cooking take on a whole new level. When you used to skip meals now you can't, toys to pick up, puck to clean up, learning to make baby food (baby led weaning) etc.
A guide to surviving your babies first Year
- You never realize how much of your life is really going to change. I know that when I wanted kids I was convinced that I would be able to take my baby everywhere and nothing would change. I planed to breastfeed and all I needed was a good pack and diapers right? WRONG! My child was extremely sensitive to everything so much so he got diagnosed with SPD (sensory processing disorder). We could not go anywhere or do anything and even if I had the money for a babysitter he was not able to be left with one. He also did not sleep for almost the first whole year of his life, that ment neither did I.
The good news is all babies grow up! You will get your life back and be able to go out again and find yourself again. I have never met a teenager that still breastfeeds, wants to be held all the time or sleeps in bed with you.
Life will always be different but in a good way and most parents say "if they had the choice they would do it all over again". For now it is your job to give your self and your little ones the rest and support they need.
Ask for help
- Dad's believe it or not you can help with night waking's and even feedings. If you are breastfeeding and not co-sleeping dad can get up and get baby and then put them back down. If you are bottle feeding they can fully take over.
- Have a family or friend cook a couple meals for you or come clean your house
- Have family/friend help watch your child so you can take a nap.
- If you are not sure about what an age appropriate schedule is or any other baby related topic google it or ask someone who does know.
- Talk to your Pediatrician they have a lot of experience, resources and tools for support
The purpose for this post is to emphasize that schedules and routines are crucial for you and your child. Take all those judgments and comments and shrug them off. Like my husband always says "no ones life is as easy or as perfect as they might try to make you think". No one knows all the answers and only you can decide what is right for your family. Everyone will have their own way and that is the way it should be. No two people are alike and can be dealt with the same.
You are a great parent. You deserve to be heard and respected for your choices and you are doing the best you know how.
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